Around Sandy Springs — I Have Questions
Why are things the way they are? I wonder….
Life is awash in mysteries. Cliche, but true. Why do bad things happen to good people? Nature or nurture? Is there a God? Why do hockey players bother to brush their teeth?
Man wrestles with these thorny conundrums to the edge of madness. Me? I also have unanswered questions; albeit a tad less weighty.
Why are new adult-content videos being made?
According to a friend of a friend, that I have never met, new adult videos (which some refer to as “porn”) are in production daily. Not that I’d know that for a fact. The point is that there are a finite number of scenarios, plot lines and — well — physical activities that can be recorded. What’s been missed? What haven’t they produced? What is the next frontier? Hasn’t man boldly gone everywhere the medium can go? Not that I’d know.
Imagine every major studio in Hollywood doing a remake of “The Wizard of Oz” every week. Same general plot. Same general characters? How fast would Hollywood implode?
Yet the people shooting these bouncy videos just crank them out, so I hear, like summer sausage. You should pardon the expression.
Does anyone who watches that stuff (no one I know) ever think: “Well that scene with the buttery clowns — so derivative”.
And can you imagine if this stuff was put on the internet?
Why do some people plotz like Elon Musk at a Planned Parenthood rally over the existence of the WNBA?
Yes, the league is financially carried by the NBA. So what? It’s their money. The way some people — mostly men — lose their minds over the WNBA you’d think the price of Viagra went up 10 bucks every time the league is on TV.
Finance lesson, fellas. If the networks were not making money in some form or fashion from televising games, the WNBA would be where people in witness protection were sent. TV networks like making money.
But Uncle Jimbo is not going to leave you without a solution. If the WNBA on TV makes you butt-hurt then simply — and write this down — don’t watch.
And speaking of the WNBA, why don’t women watch it in the same numbers as they watch the Kardashians?
Many women fuss about the lack of support for the league, pointing the finger at men for their lack of support. Really?
If half those women of the female persuasion who are obsessed with real housewives watched women’s basketball the ratings would explode. Likewise, if half the women who buy anything flogged by Kimmy K spent that money on game tickets they’d have to build arenas the size of Rhode Island.
Does anyone really get excited over the ValPak coupons dropping in their mail?
If there was a Hall of Fame for annoying and useless direct mail, ValPak would be the all-time GOAT. The vote wouldn’t be close.
Just when you think it’s safe to go to the mailbox, that blue envelope rears its head between the power bill and credit card statements. The envelope is the same shade of blue as the dress of the girl who jilted you on prom night.
Inside are a collection of coupons you don’t want for products you don’t need. That’s the worst part. If you’re going to crash my mailbox, give me more than:
A coupon for a $9.99 oil change good between 8:30pm and 8:45pm every 17th Sunday at a place 50 miles away.
A Brazilian bikini wax for $20 at Sweaty’s Wax Worx & Septic Service.
A designer check seller featuring checks with images from the beloved children’s book “Monty Muskrat’s Moist Mole”.
A BOGO for a dozen Metamucil bagels.
And $5.99 early-bird dinner specials at The Bucket ‘o Yeast.
Do you know anyone who uses a ValPak coupon? Go ahead. Think about it. I’ll wait. The answer is not just no, but hells no.
Jimbo, why don’t you get a life?
Also a mystery.